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Weekly Marriage Blog

Boundaries with the Opposite Sex

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

To avoid adultery, establish and maintain solid boundaries with the opposite sex. 

The Teaching

Spouses who commit adultery make the disastrous mistake of playing fast and loose with boundaries.  I have mentioned in previous blogs these types of boundaries, but they bear repeating.  

1. do not have breakfast, lunch, or dinner(or any meal) with a member of the opposite sex.  Even if it is supposed to be a business meeting,  it will almost always involve personal information. If you have at least one other coworker present, that is much safer and okay.  Sharing a meal is an intimate experience and reserved only for your spouse.  Business meetings can take place in an office.  
2. do not share any negative information about your spouse with a member of the opposite sex, no matter where you are.  When two spouses talk about how unhappy they are in their marriages, that is the beginning of an adulterous relationship.  
3. do not share any questionable jokes, memes, or content with a sexual message with a  member of the opposite sex.  In fact, don't share this kind of nasty stuff with anyone.  
4. if someone (opposite sex or same sex) sends you questionable material, immediately inform them you don't enjoy this kind of material and to never send this type of stuff to you again.  If the person is offended, good.  You are protecting your mind and your marriage. 
5.  do not dance with a member of the opposite sex. It can seem harmless enough, but dancing is an intimate experience to only be shared with your spouse. 
6. be extremely careful with a member of the opposite sex you are attracted to.  There are certain persons you will find very attractive and you need to limit time and contact with them.  Never, ever tell a person like this you find him/her attractive.  If the person tells you of their attraction to you, immediately say that comment is out of line and never to be uttered again. 

Discuss these boundaries with your spouse and agree to follow them.  You may come up with additional boundaries.  
Next week, I move on to another topic. 

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