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Weekly Marriage Blog

Couple Talk Time Stages

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

Five stages of a 30 minute Couple Talk Time.  

The Teaching

Okay, you are sitting with your wife in your private, quiet Couple Talk Time place. There are no children present, no electronic devices, no TV, no pets. Here are the stages I want you to follow for the next 30 minutes.  

Stage One:  A Brief Prayer.  Take your wife's hand and say a brief prayer.  Thank God for your wife and ask that He will help the two of you create intimacy in this Talk Time.  This prayer sets the tone for your time together and God will answer your prayer. 

Stage Two:  Read a Devotional.  Take 5-10 minutes to read and discuss a devotional.  There are some excellent devotions for couples:  Dennis and Barbara Rainey have one (Moments Together for Couples),  James and Shirley Dobson have one (Nightlite).  This discussion gets you warmed  up and might lead to a deeper conversation.  

Stage Three:  What's on Your Mind?  Each of you share what's happening in your lives:  feelings about events, something that made you angry during the day, stresses and worries, the kids, your spiritual lives, how God is guiding you in your life. . . You are catching up and also looking for a topic that you can talk about more deeply.  If you find a topic that interests you both, talk about that topic for 10 minutes or so.  More on these "intimacy topics" in the next blog. 

Stage Four:  Prayer.   Make a list of your prayer requests-or just verbalize them-and divide the list.  You each will pray for the items you selected.  Pray for about 5 minutes.  Prayer is very intimate and it will bond you.  God will bless you for praying and He will answer your prayers.  

Stage Five:  Prayer to Conversation.  After you have prayed, you can talk about the topics you just prayed about.  You are already on a deeper level because of the previous stages and because of the prayer.  Plus, the topics you prayed about are important to you-they have meaning and significance in your lives.  

These stages will deepen your conversations.  It will take a while to get the hang of the process, but over time these stages will create a deeper level of intimacy. 

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