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Weekly Marriage Blog

Make Decisions as a Couple

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

Note:  These next 3 blogs are based on my book:  The Top Ten Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible.  Their stories can truly revolutionize your marriage. On April 30 and May 1, 2019,  Focus on the Family will air a rebroadcast of two shows I did with them on this book.  

The Big Idea
Abraham and Sarah teach us how to make solid, godly decisions as a couple. 

The Teaching
Inspired by the example of Abraham and Sarah, I have developed a 5 Step, God-centered decision-making process.  Sandy and I follow this process and I have taught it to many couples in therapy.  

Step One:  First Meeting.  When faced with an important decision, sit down and pray that God will guide you.  Then, you each share your thoughts and feelings about the decision.  Go one at a time.  When your spouse is talking, just listen and reflect and try to understand what they are saying.  You do not give any original response to what your spouse says.  End with a brief prayer that God will reveal His direction to you as the process continues. 

Step Two: Just You and God.  You each spend private time with God, seeking His will for the decision.  This could last several days to a week.  Don't talk to anyone else during this step.  

Step Three: Let's Talk. Get together again as a couple and share what you learned during your private time with God. If God clearly reveals His direction, the process is over.  If not, go to Step Four. 

Step Four: Seek Godly Counsel.  Seek godly counsel from people you know well and trust completely:  your pastor, a Christian counselor, a family member, or a close friend.  If possible, talk to these "counselors" together. 

Step Five: The Husband Makes the Call.  95% of the time, God will reveal His answer to one or both of you in the first four steps.  When He does not, the husband-as the leader in the relationship-will have to make the decision.

For the entire, detailed process of making decisions together, get the Top Ten book.  It is a great  couples devotional.  It is available on my website davideclarkephd.com. 

Next week, more wisdom from another couple in the Bible. 

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