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Weekly Marriage Blog

Men, Make Time to Talk

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

It is the husband's job to make sure the couple talks on a regular basis. 

The Teaching

I can't tell you how many wives have told me: "Dave, he just doesn't want to talk with me. I am always the one who has to ask him to sit down and have a conversation. If I ask too many times, he will get frustrated and accuse me of being a nag."  

Men, it is not your wife's job to ask you to talk. It is your job to ask her to talk. Not only have you married a woman-she likes to talk, what a shocker!-but you are the leader in the relationship according to the Bible(Ephesians 5:22-24). When you are the leader, it is your job to initiate and make sure you are meeting the needs of your wife. Talking is one of her main needs.  

Plus, when you lead in the area of communication, you won't end up on the defensive with your woman.  Forcing her to lead in communication puts you in the position of responding and resisting her efforts to talk.  That is not your God-given position. If you lead, you won't be defensive and frustrated and angry.  

As she sees you lead in communication, she will respect you. She will honor you. She will love you more.  She will meet your needs. Yes, that means sex. And, food. And, letting you play golf (or whatever hobby you want to do).

You can lead by sitting down with her every weekend-every weekend-and scheduling 4 30 minute Couple Talk Times in the upcoming week. Look at your calendars and decide on which 4 days you will have your Talk Times. This will eliminate any nagging because you have stepped up and made sure she knows that she will have your undivided attention during these Talk Times.  

Many helpful, practical communication strategies are in my book:  Honey, We Need to Talk. Most husbands don't have a clue how to communicate with their wives. This book will teach you how. Get the book and read it before your wife does. That is leadership. Then, you can go through the book together.  

I now have a podcast called I Don't Want a Divorce. You can find it on my website, iTunes, Google Play. You can hear my warm, inviting, comfortable voice talking about a variety of marital issues.  

Next week in the blog, I will cover the 5 steps in a Couple Talk Time. 

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