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Weekly Marriage Blog

Sources of Adultery

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

In my over 30 years of counseling with couples, I have seen three major sources of adultery.

The Teaching

The first source of adultery is drifting away from God.  This is always-always-a key factor.  God is the only power source we have in life.  We have zero, zip, nada power on our own.  If you don't stay close to God, you will be vulnerable to sin.  Satan knows when you are drifting from God and he will not miss the chance to entice you to commit adultery.  
So, have a daily quiet time with God in which you read the Bible, a devotion(I like Our Daily Bread), and pray.  Attend church every week and serve in your church. 


The second source of adultery is lack of a same sex accountability partner.  Every husband and every wife needs to have accountability with someone of the same sex who will ask you the tough questions and make sure you are staying far away from any form of adultery.  Meet with this person once a week and stay in touch by phone as needed.  The prayer together, the support, the encouragement, and the confrontation with the truth will keep you away from adultery. 
So, find your accountability partner.  This person needs to be a solid Christian and trustworthy.  He or she will not reveal anything you share with anyone.  


The third source of adultery is not being honest with your spouse about your hurts and unhappiness in the marriage.  If you don't share these wounds and real issues with your spouse, they remain inside you, fester, and eventually can drive you to adultery.  When you don't speak and deal with marital issues as they come up, you move away from your spouse.  Your needs are not  met.  You can very easily look to someone else or some form of sexual sin to meet those needs. 
So, be honest with your spouse about the things in the relationship that bother you.  Talk them out, heal, and find strategies to fix the issues. 


Again, if you are dealing with any form of adultery in your marriage (or know another couple who is) my book, I Don't Love You Anymore, will give you a specific gameplan of recovery. 
Next week, I will talk about developing healthy boundaries with the opposite sex.

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