Ask the Doctor: Email & Phone Advice
Weekly Marriage Blog. Subscribe Today!
Dr. Clarke on Focus on the Family. Click here to listen.
Facebook Instagram
Weekly Marriage Blog

Women Share in 2 Categories

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

To give your husband the best chance to respond to topics you bring up, learn to share in 2 key categories. 

The Teaching

Wife after wife says to me in my therapy office in Tampa:  "Dave, I bring up topic after topic and my husband has little to no response.  He grunts a few times, mumbles something unintelligible, or has nothing to say at all.  So, we can't get a conversation going." 

Your husband doesn't have the ability to respond quickly to most of the topics you bring up.  (If you say, "Honey, your pants are on fire," he will have a response.)  He has to have time to process what you say and come up with a response.  It could take 10 minutes, 2 hours, or an entire day. 

I have discovered that if you share in 2 categories with your man, you will get more responses from him and therefore more deep, interesting conversations.  

The first category is: "respond if you choose to."  Tell him you will throw out a number of topics you are interested in and all you ask is that he listen and respond to the topics he finds interesting.  It's up to him.  You don't care which of your topics he responds to.  If he chooses one of your topics, he will take time to process it, find a response, and share it with you. 

The second category is:"I need you to respond to this topic." These topics are important to you and you need him to process and get back to you.  You will have to literally tell him: "Honey, this is an important topic and I need you to get back to me with a response." If you don't tell him it's important, he will have no idea.  To him, everything you say seems important to you. 

About 10% of all your conversational topics fall into this second category.  With both these categories, you don't pressure the man to respond.  You don't give him a time frame.  It's up to him to process and get back to you. 

To improve-revolutionize, really-your conversations, get my book:  Honey, We Need to Talk.  

Next week, more on communication:  what to do when your man does not get back to you on a topic you have told him is important.  

If you have topics you want me to cover in this blog or my podcast (my new I Don't Want a Divorce podcast), email them to me.   

Ask the Doctor: Email & Phone Advice
Weekly Marriage Blog. Subscribe Today!
Dr. Clarke on Focus on the Family. Click here to listen.
Facebook Instagram
© 2003 - 2019 David E. Clarke, Ph.D. - All Rights Reserved.