Your Spouse Defines Love

The Big Idea

You have to love your spouse the way he/she wants to be loved. 

The Teaching

I was sitting with a couple in my therapy office.  The husband was complaining that no matter what he did for her, his wife did not feel loved by him. The wife agreed that this was so.  The husband was very discouraged and said he was close to giving up because, "nothing I do is ever good enough." 

I asked him what he was doing for her.  He gave me a long list of chores he did on a daily basis.  It was really quite impressive. The poor man even cooked most days! I asked the wife (even though I knew the answer), "what is going on?  Why don't you feel loved by all these actions?" 

She said, "I do appreciate all he does for me.  I notice and I thank him. But, all these behaviors don't hit me in the heart.  They don't make me feel loved.  What I want is time with him, time to talk and have deeper conversations."  

This husband was killing himself to express love for his wife.  He did love her and wanted her to feel loved.  But, he was showing love by his definition, not hers.  

Today, ask your spouse what she (or he) wants you to do to show love.  Get specific examples and then follow through. This will work every time it is tried!

For more ideas on how to express love and create real passion, get my book based on the Song of Solomon:  Kiss Me Like You Mean It. 


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